Animosity Inside Me

Now is the time when I turn my back
Relive my lies and plan my attack
As much as I think You cannot see
This thought alone will be the death of me

You know my thoughts
My intentions so wrong
My life you have bought
And I repay you so wrong

Do I not realize that you have taken my soul?
Why can’t I comprehend Your love so bold?
Yet I sit in my ways, unmoved, unchanged
I drown in my mind, so wrong, so deranged

My God I have lost my mind
My God I cannot find my way out
My God I am dead this time
My God too weak am I to shout

I find it so hard to pray
No peace coming my way
Thoughts and actions I make
Your promise I break

I am conscious of the Christian walk
Wondering why I feel no remorse for what I have done
No integrity, I realize my talk
Praying that this I won’t become

A man who’s actions move him from You
A man who’s decisions tear him anew
A man who cannot walk a straight path
A man who’s life will surely crash

Lord my life needs to be rebuilt
I pray this life come back in your presence
My God I pray I feel Your guilt
I pray I feel resentment