A Simple Misunderstanding

The man walked into the bank that friday afternoon; as he deposited his paycheck, the teller smiled and asked if that’d be all for the day, he quickly replied with a simple response, “Ma’am, I’d like it all please. In cash if possible.” The teller, stunned and confused asked him what he meant. The man again asked, “Ma’am, please, I’d like to withdraw all I have.” Looking puzzled now the woman behind the counter got off of her swiveling chair and walked herself into the office of her manager. As she walked down the hall, the clack of her heels echoed in the empty bank, which was to be closed five minutes ago. Returning with her manager, the woman jabbed at her keyboard to pull up the man’s account. “Sir, you’d like it all in cash?” she asked him from across the desk and looked at her manager. “Yes,” the man replied, “I would like it as quickly as possible.” The manager approved his request and the transaction was started. Within minutes, his savings account was emptied and placed into multiple envelopes for him to do as he pleased. As he walked out of the bank, the woman asked from across the room what he planned to do with all of that cash; in a simple reply, the man nodded, smiled, and told her that she will soon find out.

As he got into his car, he got onto his cell phone to call a couple of friends and told him what he had done. Shocked, there were no responses, but when he told them they’d each be getting a fair portion of what he had withdrawn, moods changed quickly; those moods however, were nothing compared to the one he was in, well, going to be in.

The next morning he met with his friends to give them their fair share; he divided off a small portion for each of them, and sealed it into an envelope. There was one restriction to this gift though, they had to use it to better someone’s life. Upon hearing this, they were shocked; what does it mean to better someone’s life in this day and age, and how can a small portion of cash significantly do that? The man reaffirmed them that they would soon know what it meant, and sent them on their way. He had more to do still before things were all set in place.

The rest of the cash was wrapped and placed in a box labeled “stuff.” A simple name for something that didn’t mean anything, but a name suitable for a box of cash? As he packed away the remaining stacks of bills, he smiled. He was excited, he knew something was coming, and he anticipated it from the get go. Today was his day, and he wasn’t going to let anyone ruin the plans that were in place for him. He grabbed the box, threw it in his car, and took off for his destination; that destination however, was unknown.

Driving for an hour now, he decided it was time to stop. He pulls the car up to a gas station and parks it; going in the back of the car, he grabs the giant box of “stuff” and proceeds to walk into the gas station. Entering the building, the attendant looks at him with a confused look on his face. The man looked back with a smile and approached him eagerly.

“Excuse me sir,” the man said with excitement in his voice.

“How may I help you?” the attendant replied.

“Well, I have this box of stuff that I don’t really need anymore, would you be willing to accept it?”

“Uhh, sure,” the attendant replied. “Just put it over there in the corner.”

Doing exactly as the attendant instructed, he placed the box in the corner, and as he dropped it onto the floor, he slipped his car keys into the packaging with all of the cash. As he stood back up, he sighed of great relief, thanked the attendant and began walking off to a much different lifestyle.

About two hours later, a homeless man walks into the gas station in need of a meal and some shelter. He asked the attendant if he could spare a few dollars for a sandwich and drink, but the attendant does nothing. Then, remembering about the man, he tells the homeless man he could have whatever was in the box in the corner; too busy to ever look into the box, the attendant gave it to the man, and told him to get out or he’d call the cops. The man grabbed the box and quickly left; anything in that box would be something compared to the nothing he currently had. As he stepped off the curb, the box jolted in his hands, and the keys fell out; the man, now puzzled, his the panic alarm to see where this vehicle was. When the car two rows down started flashing, he knew he had something special. Eagerly, he opened the box and read the note that was placed on top:

“To whomever opened this box, I’d like to thank you for helping me achieve my goals. My life is complete, and I hope that the contents of this package will help complete yours. Do not become wrapped up in such silly things that you forget your roots, or the simplicity of life, for it is the simple life that leads to service and obedience. Enjoy these gifts, for I have gained more by giving them, than keeping them”

Immediately the man dropped to  his knees in thanks; this box was everything he had been praying for his whole life. This one box was going to get him on the right path. This one box was grace, and through that grace, came a new life for two people. So in this, I ask, is grace simple, or is simple found in grace? That is a question that is yet to be determined, but one that can be found if we strip all of our possessions and follow our hearts, and God’s voice. Listen to the whisper, it hides in the complex sounds of life; after all, the ripples of change are first found in a quiet pond.

The Visualist

Before I begin the story, I’d like to shed some light on the background of our character; we will call him Stan. Now that our protagonist has a name, it is time to open up the problem that will make the epic story of his life unfold. Stan was always falling in line, always doing things in order; however, perception is reality, and what is real to him, may seem very unreal for the rest of us. So I ask you now, as you read this, decide what life is better. Is Stan blessed, or am I cursed?

The slight chirping of birds awoke the young man we know as Stan; as he rolls over in bed, the loud garbage can lids bang away. He reaches over and hits the top of his alarm clock. Now he can relax…err…for at least 15 minutes. Sitting up in bed now, he looks across his bedroom and hears the rushing sea; he doesn’t want to leave the soft blankets, which engulf him just as the tides of the ocean, in and out…

Now friends, Stan is different; he has a…disability. It prohibits him from perceiving things the way they truly are. Instead, he wraps an overwhelming sensory perception around them. Acting like a sponge, he doesn’t see, rather, he stays innocent, and interprets.

In the kitchen, Stand now finds himself; turning on the tele the rush of information hits him. All he needed to know was the weather, sunny with a high of 75, but instead, he got a bunch of talk that no one really cares about; how he loves local news. Strolling himself over to the counter, he flips up a bagel, throws it in the toaster, trots to the fridge to grab his morning cocktail of juices, and scrambles back to make sure the bagel doesn’t burn.  As he enjoys his bagel, he hears a wonderful chorus of chimes and the rustling of wind; the bagel after all was whole wheat…

Now it’s onto what Stan really does. Conversation. A friend knocks at his door, with a sad expression, the friend enters the house. Stand hears no words, just the slow vibrations of flat strings, a cello, or a bass. It’s a sad tune, and Stan himself, is forced to frown. The conversation starts, and not much is said.

“Stan, we need to talk man. I’m not feeling so good about us. What happened the other day, that wasn’t right. There’s no reason for that stuff to happen, it can’t happen again, you and I know that too well. How are we gonna fix this, what are we gonna do. Stan? Stan are you even listening to me? What are we gonna…”

Stan paused, trying to conceive what his friend was sharing. As he took it all in, this is what he heard.

A simple violin started playing, flat, then sharp, then back to flat. A timpani bangs in the background, once, twice, three times. The cello proceeds in loudness, and the violin begins to staccato. One giant sharp staccato brings the symphony to a halt, then the woodwinds take over in a soft gentle melodic rhythm; one of soothing, one of peace.

Stan looks at his friend to make sure they were seeing eye to eye and smiles. He knows the truth, and he sees what is coming. His friend however doesn’t see that. He gets up, paces, and begins to worry. He quickly grows frustrated with Stan, stomps to the door, and slams it shut.

Through all of this, Stan whispers, “Friend, it will be alright. You must choose to accept me for who I am, not what you want.”

Weeks pass, and Stan continues his morning routine. When thinking about the conversation between he and his friend, a peace comes over him, one of love, one of compassion. He hears the joyous birds, the soft tides, the blowing grass, and allows these sounds to engulf him and his worries. He knows, he just does, that everything will be okay.

Years pass, and Stan lives with a smile on his face; then, the day finally comes. The knocking on his door grows louder, and Stan hears an amplifying heartbeat. He gleams with joy, opens the door, and hugs his friend, the same friend who stormed from his home years before. Crying in his arms, the friend can’t speak, but Stan hears, he hears piano, and melodic strings. An uplifting song this time, not the melancholy symphony he came to expect. His friend weeps in arms, and the sounds get stronger, and more joyous. Then, his friend looks at Stan and realizes what he’s missed all along. An apology comes from the mouth of his friend, but Stan quiets him. There is a peace between them, one of calmness. Stan looks at him with a smile on his face, and shares these words:

“Friend, you have not hurt me, you have not harmed me. It was I in fact who has harmed you. You didn’t understand, and I never attempted to show you what I didn’t see, rather what I heard. This is neither a curse, nor a blessing, but a way of life, and in the end, I have learned to make it my pride and joy, my own tool that can be used to shape the lives of myself and others. You see friend, what has happened in this life, is merely something that will make us stronger, more firm in our foundation. You cannot hate who I have become, because it is that person who will stand next to you, and help you prosper. The rewards of life are nothing compared to the rewards of service, and friend, these years of isolation have been of service; for that, I must thank you.”

Fast Faith: God doesn’t work like McDonald’s.

In the midst of all that has been going on this past year with college, family, and friendships, I lost sight of the most important thing in my life, my faith. I know, it happens to all of us, but those who come out of the downward spiral with a lesson are truly learning from God, and trust me, I’ve learned a lesson, hopefully you will too.

So where do I start, well, how about at square one: The fall from Faith.
It all happened so fast, just a blur in my life. Months ago is when I let go, but just now I find myself looking up a mountainside, attempting to climb back up, this time, climbing the right way. The fall was quick, painless, and ended with a crash. A few bones were broken, and my heart, well, that’s another story…my heart was shattered. Through the tears in my eyes I was able to see the severity of my fall. I looked down and realized I was at rock bottom, when I looked up, I saw no footholes, nothing to hold onto. I realized I needed a harness, and in that, someone to guide me back up. That someone, was God.

So how did I fall? What pushed me off? Well, in all honesty, I jumped. I made the conscious decision to choose friends, family, and worldly things over God. I noticed when I was falling, and I contemplated asking God for help, but I was mad at Him; I was mad at Him for letting me fall, for allowing me to jump off. I guess free will requires responsibility, no?

Fast forward; now I’m looking at the ground head on. I see what is coming, and all I can ask for is a quick fix. “God, please make things better, make this go away, make this (insert personal wish here).” All I wanted was Him to pull me out, I didn’t want to work, I didn’t want Him in my life. I wanted God to be my genie, my lottery ticket. I prayed for selfish ambitions, and meanwhile, those selfish ambitions were dragging me down deeper; with friends, with family, with life…

Now, let’s look at just before the fall; I start wagering with God. We’ve all been there, right? “God, if you let me get out of this I’ll ________.” Looking back on this, I realize how stupid I was, how stupid the mind is. My selfish ambitions are trying to save my skin, and because of that, I’m wagering with the one who made me, who has paved a path for me. I was seeking myself first, not the kingdom; Jesus wants us to seek first the kingdom, then all these things will be given. It was quite clear that I wanted things, in spite of who I’d hurt to get them, and God clearly had other plans for my life.

The Fall: Splat. Plain and simple. I landed and didn’t bounce. I stuck, and it stuck me. I hit rock bottom, and I didn’t know which way was up. My ambitions told me I didn’t need God, I didn’t need His help. In a loud voice, they masked the small whisper that Elijah heard in the cave, I blocked the whisper, I denied the voice of God, and by doing that, I ruined everything in my life.

The Stand: So now I stand up, but not for long. I’m my knees sobbing. I don’t know where I am, who I am, or what I’m doing. I’m lost, hungry, thirsty, and confused. I am hurting because I jumped, and I know things aren’t where they need to be. Then, God speaks; simple words that I don’t even understand come across my heart. I find myself on my feet, and I find myself walking. The sunlight shines on my wounds, which quickly turn to scars, and as I look at each scar, I remember all of those whom I’ve hurt on the way down, and all the opportunities I have missed. Each scar speaks to me, and I’m overwhelmed. Then I look up and see a rope. It comes tumbling down. I can’t see who is at the top, but I make out a figure, one of strength, one of fortitude, one of trust.

The Climb: I can’t say too much on this topic because this is where I am, I am just now taking the rope and fastening it to my harness. I fell, and fell hard, but God has given me the ability to stand back up. I’m just now realizing the person I’ve been, and each scar reminds me of the poor choices I’ve made. Now however, I realize that God doesn’t believe in fast faith. He won’t give you what you want, when you want it. He makes you work, and in that, you will learn more than ever before. It is painful, it is hurting, but in the end, it is enlightening. We cannot focus on the fall, but rather the climb back up. It takes work, but God gives you people in your life to climb back up with, and on your climb back up, He throws other people on the cliff to cheer you on. If you’ve hurt someone, He reminds you of it, but He also allows you to make it right, and grow deeper with them. The most important thing is that as we climb back up, we focus on Him. We need to be Peter when he stepped from the boat.

Seek first the kingdom, and things will follow. Seeking takes time, and work, but in the end, it will be more valuable than any other worldly outcome.

Short and Sweet

Nothing too long tonight; just these words.

Pause, think, act, reflect, repeat.

Long Weekend

So Memorial Day is here; family, friends, food, and fun are all arriving for the summer season, but so are a lot of other things. This is mainly for grads of 2010, but others may find this a little true also.

With an old year out and a new one just around the corner, we have so many new opportunities that are waiting to be taken, but some of us are also leaving behind friends, family, and other things we’ve known to love. So this post is short and sweet and I hope we all find some truth in these words.

“Take the time to appreciate what you have, love your blessings, and explore your opportunities because in the blink of an eye, they can all be washed away.” –Anonymous

Enjoy the Day

Now I was thinking of writing something deep and inspiring today, but there’s so much to do and such little time to write; I guess I’ll save that for tomorrow. However, that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about it!

I just wanted to let y’all know that more stories are on their and some new poetry will be added soon; so keep checking!

Passion.

I can’t live with it, but I know I can’t live without it. I mean…I feel this sense of urgency to live out my passion, yet I have no idea what that even means. These feelings, thoughts, visions…I have no way of deciphering them. I’m only a teenager, what is there possibly for me to do? I can’t make my life decision now…can I? Do I even know what passion can be? I mean, I’ve seen passion before. Look at Christ, that’s passion…man. Dying up there for us, knowing that we can’t live without Him, loving us that much and…proving it. That’s true passion. All the hours he spent in prayer, all the times he broke down because He had to die in such a painful way. He didn’t want to die that way, but he cared and loved us so much and felt that emotion… Overall, He did die for us. That’s passion. So I guess in the long run, I do see passion a little. I can’t live with it, and I can’t live without it, but I know for a fact I’d give anything to have it. It makes me—me. All the other stuff in life means nothing, absolutely nothing compared to my passion. And when I see God, my passion shines through that much more, it’s almost like as God feeds me, He feeds my passion too. You got to love what He’s done for us, all in all, that’s passion. Love is passion, life is passion, blood is passion, tears are passion…He is passion.

Hosea 7:6
“Their hearts are like an oven; they approach him with intrigue. Their passion smolders all night; in the morning it blazes like a flaming fire.”

There is a Reason at Sea.

It’s funny because the other day I remember how one of my teachers would have her class do a “brain dump” before writing papers. Well, I can say that I learned something in that class, but something totally different; this is more of a “heart dump…”

I don’t know who is reading this, but I do know that it’s not by mistake. If you’re reading this right now, there’s a reason for it, a reason I’m writing this, and a reason you just so happened to click the link to my page. If it’s for the same reason I’m writing this, I pray that we both have the strength to come through a new person.

So it begins, that warm sunny day that is life…well, that is the beginning of a test; more like an exam if you really want the truth. Am I being over dramatic, yes, but am I being honest in my words…yes. I never thought I’d have something this hard, this challenging, and this overtaking. My brothers and sisters, I know you also have the same test, the same feeling. It may not be on the same level as mine, it may even be worse, but I know you understand.

What I’m talking about is forgetting. It’s quite simple really; on all aspects of life, we forget. We forget to pray, do our homework, brush our teeth; it just happens. For me however, it’s more of a forgetful streak. Just as a crumbled wall falls, or one domino knocks the rest, many angles of my life have seem to tumble lately.

So back to that one day, that one day when that one sin starting showing more and more, like superman’s kryptonite, it lives in me and it always will. It’s the day I let my guard down, when I took my eyes of the prize, when I lost focus. That focus I lost seems next to me and far from me at the same time; that focus was my peace, my patience, and my power; that focus was God.

It didn’t all happen at once, it was more of a sand clock. Grain by grain, each part of life taking a new path, each thought having a new perspective. Slowly, God became less and less of my life until I didn’t realize I wasn’t praying regularly anymore. When I realized that, it was denial; denial that I let myself become the person I promised God I’d never be. It became shame; shame that I was living and am still living a double life. It became hurt; it hurt that I was so far from the Rock that held me close and provided shelter. Most of all however, it caused confusion.

This confusion, good or bad, I have felt for so long now. I know exactly how to be a Christian; I have been one for most of my life and rededicated myself last year. I know what it’s like to experience God, and I know what it’s like to be disciplined. The question I find myself asking day in and day out is why don’t I take action, initiative, or do something to fix what I’ve started. I realize that no one is too far-gone, and that every walk has its ups and downs, but I won’t move from that trench. It’s like I’m sitting, watching the people go by because I don’t want to experience life.

Experiencing life, what a challenge, what a test, what a feeling. So now I sit here and ask myself, am I scared to experience life? Do I sit in that trough because I’m too chicken to get out and get dirty in the ways that God called me to do? Life’s about discipline, a discipline that few people truly understand. Day in and day out Jesus was disciplined. He knew his calling, He knew His path, He knew who He was, and He knew what He was supposed to be doing personally. Most importantly however, He acted on His knowledge. Not once did he fail to pray in the garden, or humble Himself before someone else. He is the King of the Universe, and yet we find him humble enough to submit to someone else.

So that brings me to humility. Those who talk the talk but fail to walk realize it all. Some people call it karma; I call it God. The struggles in our life are for reasons, maybe mine is to teach humility.
“A proud man I am indeed, I’ve fallen weak in the knees. Hard to walk I have to lean, forced to crawl, I cannot be. ” -Anonymous.

That rings so many bells in my head, so many flags wave, so many sirens blow. Walk the walk, and just shut up. Being real is better than talking anyway. A wise person once told me this, “The people close to you realize when you screw up a lot faster than you do. You’ve screwed up, I get it.”

So I guess what I’m getting to in this 842 word heart dump is this. The next time you see my page, or see me in the hall, ask me how my walk is going, and tell me to shut up. It doesn’t matter who you are, or what you do, we’re all in this together.

One of my favorite verses is a Proverb.
“Discipline is harsh for the one who leaves the path; the one who hates correction will die.” Proverbs 15:10